too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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