you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
