Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
