I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you had me at cake vodka
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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