there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
