The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
