it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
