tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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