I want to have your abortion
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
