I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
