I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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