i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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