so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
