if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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