I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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