Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
