That's when you crack a 10am beer
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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