i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
