she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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