I wish my penis had an off switch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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