Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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