I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
