I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
