Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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