Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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