dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
