i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize