I hate your face
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
