I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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