I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
