so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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