Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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