I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
