please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
