There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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