I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
