Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
