Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
