So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
