I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
