You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
