Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
