New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
