Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
