As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
