the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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