We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have fence marks all over my body
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
