Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I skipped work to stalk him.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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