Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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