Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
