so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
