She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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