the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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