Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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