when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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