so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
