I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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