We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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