all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
