I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
