I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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