you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
