Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
