You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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