Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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